


Love Isn't Easy - The Arcana (Asra & Julian)

by GarnetSeren



Series: Love Isn't Easy - Otome Collection [7]
Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Ambiguous-Gender Apprentice (The Arcana), Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Julian Devorak, Canonical Character Death, Declarations Of Love, Developing Friendships, Developing Relationship, F/M, Falling In Love, Female Friendship, Forgiveness, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gender-Neutral Apprentice (The Arcana), Idiots in Love, Love, Love Confessions, Love/Hate, Male Friendship, Male Pronouns for Asra (The Arcana), Male-Female Friendship, Multi, Polyamorous Character, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, Reader-Insert, Submissive Julian Devorak, do not copy to another site
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:28:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23715202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GarnetSeren/pseuds/GarnetSeren
Summary: Perhaps it was a pattern, or maybe it was a correlation. Heck, maybe it was just damn coincidence. But it was enough of a THING that it couldn't be ignored. Actually there were several things, and they were all blatantly obvious if you took the time to consider them. Firstly, you knew deep in your bones that you and Asra were two halves of a whole. Secondly, despite being devoted to Asra, you knew you were capable of loving more than one person at the same time. Thirdly, you knew your magician felt the same. Fourth was the fact that you and Asra had the same taste in men. Though fifth was the undeniable fact that the man you both wanted, was utterly convinced he didn't deserve love. At all. Which naturally made everything just a little bit harder... as did the fact Julian also happened to be wanted for murder.*A collection of interconnected, chronological Asra and Julian related one-shots*
Relationships: Apprentice & Muriel (The Arcana), Apprentice/Asra (The Arcana), Apprentice/Asra/Julian Devorak, Apprentice/Julian Devorak, Asra & Muriel (The Arcana), Asra (The Arcana)/Reader, Asra/Julian Devorak, Julian Devorak/Reader
Series: Love Isn't Easy - Otome Collection [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1636357
Kudos: 85





	1. Unforgiveable (Asra)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LadyVelvetCPeterson](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyVelvetCPeterson/gifts).



They were gone where he couldn't follow. They'd chosen to stay whilst he had left... no fled... the plague. But despite how they'd left things, Asra had always been so certain they'd reunite, that they could put the past behind them, that they could move on and be together again. But then he'd received that letter penned in Ilya's unmistakable chicken scratch, and Asra's heart had been shattered. He couldn't ever remember what was on the parchment, all he remembered was seeing their name, plague and Lazaret. But it was enough to drive him back to Vasuvia, back to the home he'd shared with them. But it was empty, hollow. _He_ was empty, hollow. They had his heart, had had his heart since the day they'd met, and had taken it with them when they'd been forced to that awful place.

Perhaps it wasn't fair but he blamed Ilya for it all, because if they hadn't been dividing their time between the magic shop and the doctor's clinic, then maybe they would have been fine. Maybe they wouldn't have even had a reason to stay when he beg them to go with him. Maybe. Probably. Perhaps. However, they _had_ stayed whilst he had gone and in the dead of night, just before Asra let himself sink into the comforting dreams where they were still alive... where they were still happy together... he dwelt on the fact that it wasn't just Ilya's fault but his own. Perhaps he wasn't guilty for giving them a reason to stay, but he was just as guilty for leaving them to die alone. On that terrible island. Though that didn't stop him from hating Ilya, at least when he wasn't looking at the man. Because whenever Asra saw the doctor his hatred turned in to confusion, to a swirling mix of emotions he wasn't sure what to make of. Because when he looked into Ilya's eyes, he saw the same ragged heartbreak that was reflected in the mirror every morning. He saw the same look of guilt, of distress, of longing for someone he'd never see again.

So Asra knew without a doubt that Ilya had loved them, perhaps almost as much as he had, and knowing that meant he had no reason to hex the doctor; his own guilt and shame would be doing that for him. However, despite knowing all of that... despite knowing they would hate the pair of them being so at odds... Asra didn't have the heart to forgive Ilya for his part in all of this. Then again, since they had held his heart since the moment they met, Asra no longer a heart at all.


	2. Unforgiven (Julian)

They were gone, and the only comfort Julian could take was that he'd be following soon. Unable to help himself, he huffed a bitter laugh, wondering what they'd make of his change of name... he just couldn't take hearing his given name fall from anyone else's lips. Of course, Asra had refused to comply; though after the letter he'd had to send to the magician, Julian knew he didn't deserve to ask anything of the man.

Asra hated him. Julian hated himself. It's why he'd gone to the magician so many times, not for forgiveness but repentance, to offer what little he could in the hopes of aiding the man's grief. Because Asra's grief... his own grief... was all his fault. They'd stayed because he'd asked them to, citing the needs of the sick and the dying, when he'd selfishly just wanted them to stay with him. For him. For him to mean as much to them as Asra did. Whilst Asra had just wanted to take them away from the dying city, to keep them safe. Julian had never expected them to stay, to listen to his pleas over the magician's, but they had. They had paid the ultimate price for that, and Julian knew he would never be able to make that up to Asra. The magician would never forgive him, nor would Julian ever forgive himself.

But now he sat huddled over his desk in the dungeon, not caring that he was going to die in a matter of days, but still desperately working on finding a cure before his mind unravelled. He didn't want the cure for himself... he deserved to die the same fate they had, which was why he hadn't fought harder when the beetle was forced down his throat... but he owed it to the citizens, he owed it to Asra; he owed it to the memory of the person that he and the magician both loved. _Love_. However he felt weak and delirious, and was certain he'd been having flashes of what he'd once heard them describe as visions. His hands trembled and his head swum, and he couldn't help wondering if this was how they'd felt, before the end. And with that thought invading his frantic sleep deprived mind all Julian could do was rest his head on his desk, his hands desperately clutching at his auburn hair, and weep.


	3. Encounter (Julian/Apprentice)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As you dismissed the magical seal you'd placed on the front door, the stout wood unexpectedly swung inward and you nearly collided with the last person you expected to see. Doctor Devorak; who looked just as stunned to see you, as you were shocked to see him. For a moment, you honestly debated calling for the guards. However, regardless of everything... every rumour and piece of hearsay... you'd heard, you couldn't help thinking of the way the doctor had been with you the night before. No, not the doctor. Julian. Because the man who'd bought you a drink in the Rowdy Raven was nothing like the murderous bastard Doctor Devorak had been painted, and against your better judgement, you wanted to give that man a chance.

Having made your excuses to Portia... and after assuring her you'd be back in the town square by noon for the announcement... you hurried to the shop; longing to be surrounded by the comforting sights and smells of the home you shared with your closest friend Asra, as well as needing to collect some supplies. But as you dismissed the magical seal you'd placed on the front door the other day, the stout wood unexpectedly swung inward and you nearly collided with the last person you expected to see. Doctor Devorak, who looked just as stunned to see you, as you were shocked to see him.

“What are you doing here?” you hissed, as you pushed him back into the shop.

“Well hello to you too. Fancy seeing you here,” he smirked, relenting to your shoving. “Ah... maybe not so surprising. This is your shop, and I was in the neighbourhood... and you look splendid, marvellous even. I'll ah... stop wringing my hands now.”

For a moment, you honestly debated calling for the guards; everyone was on high alert for the doctor, given that he was the prime suspect for the Count's murder. However, regardless of everything... every rumour and piece of hearsay... you'd heard, you couldn't help thinking of the way the doctor had been with you the night before, when you'd found him at the Rowdy Raven. No, not the doctor. Julian. Because _Julian_ was nothing like the murderous bastard Doctor Devorak had been painted.

“What do you want?” you snapped, ignoring his rambling. “You've broken in twice now.”

“Oh, I hope you don't think I'm a thief,” he drawled. “I'm a lot of things, but not that. But... you wouldn't take my word for it, would you?”

In a flourish, the doctor shrugged off his overcoat and unbuttoned his waist coat; leaving himself in a white unlaced shirt, that revealed an unexpected expanse of a well toned chest. He even opened his arms wide, palms up in submission. It was certainly a sight you hadn't been expecting, and despite your better judgement, you couldn't help noticing how attractive Julian was; with his wavy auburn hair, his pale skin and high cheekbones. He wasn't classically handsome, but he was certainly captivating.

“Search me. If you find anything of yours, I'll show myself to the stocks,” the doctor continued, smirking a cocky grin. “Go ahead, search until you're satisfied.”

Though surprised by not just his sudden appearance but also the turn of events, you refused to be intimidated; not to mention you couldn't reconcile the cocksure man in front of you with the friendly Julian who'd bought you a drink the night before, it was such a stark contrast, like night and day. The version in front of you almost seemed like a rouse, so coupled with the faint blush you were _positive_ you'd seen on his cheeks earlier... when he'd obviously registered the fine silks that draped your body courtesy of the Countess.... you just _had_ to call his bluff. So as he lowered his eyes in an obvious show of submission, as if presenting himself to you, you took a confident step forward.

“I think I will,” you stated, unabashed.

His hazel eyes snapped up to meet your unwavering gaze, and from the look of utter shock he regarded you with, you'd bet your life's savings on the fact he hadn't expected you to accept the invitation. It was almost enough to make you smirk; but you refused to give him the upper hand, you wanted to keep him on the back foot.

“You're just full of surprises, aren't you,” Julian mused, though recovered enough to shoot you another grin. “Well then, don't be shy. I promise I'll be good.”

“I doubt you could be good even if you tried,” you retorted.

As you spoke, you settled your hands on his broad shoulders, your gaze determinedly remaining locked with his, even whilst you slipped your hands underneath the open neck of his shirt. His skin was smooth and surprisingly cool given the balmy summer morning, and when your fingertips brushed the column of his throat, you felt his pulse jump as he swallowed audibly. Trying not to smirk at his reaction, you let your hands glide down towards his waist, before he suddenly twisted away and out of your grasp.

“No, no, no, no... not there!”

You raised an incredulous eyebrow at his sudden exclamation, causing him to vividly blush, as he cleared his throat awkwardly.

“I... I'm afraid I'm terribly ticklish,” Julian admitted, giving a rueful smile. “Don't tell anyone... it'll be our little secret.”

Unable to help yourself, you huffed a quiet laugh, even as you caught his arm and tugged him back towards you; he had said you could search until you were satisfied, and you oddly found that you weren't. Because regardless of how reckless whatever _this_ was... no matter how dangerous, considering who he was and the fact the town was crawling with guards... you didn't want it to end. Not just yet.

“Hold still,” you instructed.

To your surprise, Julian's blush intensified and he bit his lip, though stood to attention with his hands by his sides. Slowly you circled him... trying to convince yourself you were _only_ checking to see that there were no obviously stashed items on his person... and he twisted his neck to watch, evidently not willing to let you out of his sight. Not that you could really blame him, you were practically strangers, very nearly enemies. However his gaze seemed more interested than wary and although you'd never admit it, your own interest had been piqued as well.

“I had no idea you were so... hands on,” the doctor stated, crossing his arms. “Aren't you afraid someone will catch us?”

“Did I say you could move?” you asked, calmly.

“I, ah... no, you didn't,” Julian stammered.

He immediately let his arms hang by his sides again, the tips of his ears turning red as he snapped his attention to look straight ahead. It was an interesting development, one you weren't quite sure what to make of, even as an unmistakable tremor rippled through him as you slowly ran your hands down either side of his spine.

“Besides, shouldn't _you_ be afraid of being caught?” you asked, conversationally.

He sucked in a surprised breath. “Er, well, I suppose that's true...”

Feeling a little devil-may-care, you stepped in closer, your torso almost flush with his back as your hands ran over his slender hips, then dipped into his pockets; stopping when your fingertips grazed the unmistakable hilt of a hidden dagger.

“Ah, that... don't worry about that,” he murmured, before glancing over his shoulder with that cocky smirk on his distracting lips. “But I _am_ happy to see you. I can show you, if you like.”

You snorted an inelegant laugh. “You're incorrigible.”

Despite the doctor's bravado, you were still close enough that you could feel how he nervously shifted his weight from foot to foot. So taking a little pity on him, you walked back around to his front; trailing a hand lightly across his hip as you went. Julian practically swayed in your direction, his blush back in full force as he visibly restrained himself from leaning into you, and you couldn't help wondering why he was having such an obvious, visceral reaction. Was it because of you? Or had it just been too long since someone had touched him gently... regardless of the truly bizarre situation you were both in?

“Tell me what you're really here for,” you instructed, as you reached up to cradle his cheek.

“You're very persistent aren't you. And... hmm... thorough,” he replied, swallowing thickly before breathing out a slow, shaky sigh. “I... I was looking for answers. But I didn't find any. Or not the ones I wanted.”

You regarded him critically for another heartbeat, before you stepped away. “Alright, I believe you.”

“Huh? I, ah. Wait. Really?” Julian questioned, clearly shocked.

Nodding, you offered a comforting smile. “Really.”

He frowned. “That's a terrible idea. You shouldn't take anyone at their word, least of all me. But, er, well. I do hope you were satisfied.” He paused to give another cocksure grin. “I would hate to disappoint you.”

Despite the doctor's ominous words, your gut instinct was saying that you could trust the man in front of you; regardless of the overconfident facade Julian was trying to hide behind. There was just something about him that pulled at the back of your mind, as if your subconscious was trying to tell you something. The feeling had never led you astray before... it was the 'voice' you listened to whilst practising magic... so you let yourself return his grin with a smirk of your own. However you weren't going to let him off too easily, so your gaze blatantly drifted over his body before you gave an answer you were sure would make him blush:

“Adequately satisfied... for now.”


	4. Laying Low (Julian/Apprentice)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Despite knowing him for only a short while, and despite the fact he was a fugative that you'd been tasked to find, you were worried about Julian. He'd lost a lot of blood after healing your wound, and you were amazed he'd been able to stay on his feet for so long. So when you found him sat at the edge of the bed, his blood stained shirt hanging loosely from his slender body, an unexpected wave of affection washed over you. Against your better judgement, you just couldn't help liking... and being attracted to... Julian. So as you watched him struggle to remove his boots, you smiled at him fondly, and the moment you knelt down to help him, you knew you'd made your decision about whose side you were on. But how were you going to make Julian realise that you weren't going to betray him?

You had barely caught your breath from running away from the guards, all because of a chance meeting with Julian, and the fact he'd seemed to instinctually grabbed your hand when you'd heard the guards coming. You'd ran through deserted streets with him, even though _you_ didn't need to, hidden in overgrown gardens... not to mention fallen off an aqueduct. It had been a wild night, and now you were hiding in someone's house... someone Julian thankfully knew... helping the old woman in the kitchen whilst he'd finally gone to lay down before he fell down.

“So.... do you want to watch the pot or him?” Mazelinka asked, grinning.

“The pot would be less trouble,” you retorted. “But I'll go keep an eye on that idiot. I might be able to help...”

You conjured a small light in your hand, letting the stout woman know you were magician. Mazelinka smirked in reply, and you got the distinct impression she thought your acquaintance with Julian was much more than it was. You didn't bother to correct her though, and instead followed the doctor behind the partition he'd slipped passed earlier. Truthfully, despite the fact you were supposed to be his enemy, more or less, you were worried about Julian. You didn't think for a moment that the magical mark he bore was from Asra, it was devoid of your dear friend's aura for a start, but it did concern you; so did the vampiric eel bite Julian had 'taken' from you. Because even though both yours and his wounds were healed thanks to his unusual ability, he'd still lost a lot of blood. Granted, so had you, but your magical energy was compensating for what you'd lost whilst the doctor didn't have that luxury. So you were actually surprised when you found Julian still upright, sat at the edge of a rough hewn bed. His blood stained shirt was hanging loosely from his slender body, his leather gloves were tossed carelessly to the floor... revealing his murderer brand... though he'd only managed to remove one boot. A wave of unexpected affection washed over you as you watched him struggle with the other; Julian was far too likeable in your opinion. He gave you a wry smile the moment he noticed you and without a word, you crossed the tiny room and knelt down to help him with his boot.

“Did you come to tuck me in?” he teased, before barely stifling a yawn. “I won't last long, I'm afraid. I know when I'm beat. If there's one thing I know, it's my body. When it comes to healing, it takes as long as it takes... whether I like it or not. Isn't that amazing? Stab me in the back and I'll walk it off, but healing will take everything I've got. Can't escape it.”

You barely managed a sympathetic hum before Mazelinka bustled into the room. She handed a bowl of soup to Julian, instructing him to drink, then turned her attention to you.

“Will you be staying the night as well?”

Julian spluttered into his bowl of soup, a blush starting to paint his pale cheeks, and you barely managed to hide your smirk; though you caught Mazelinka's eye and rolled yours. She offered you a toothy grin as Julian tried to deflect, blaming it on the type of soup, though the old woman merely lifted the bowl from his hands and offered it to you.

“Be a dear and make sure he drinks it?” she requested, a mischievous glint in her eye. “I have a feeling he'll take whatever you're giving.”

Unable to help it, you laughed at her insinuation, even as Julian's blush deepened. Holding the bowl, you caught a whiff of several herbs you and Asra used to make sleeping drafts, and got the distinct impression that Mazelinka was quite possibly an old Kitchen Witch. You gave her an understanding smile and nodded the affirmative, before the stout woman flashed you a wink in parting. You had the feeling Julian hadn't a clue what the soup contained, but once alone again, you set the bowl on the bedside table in order to sit beside the doctor. You only half listened as he rambled about the soup... which you were half convinced was some sort of nervous habit of his by now... though you didn't miss the way his visible hazel eye kept glancing at your mouth; as an invitation or a distraction, you didn't know. Though by the fifth time his gaze lingered on your lips, you couldn't help leaning forward and kissing him gently. After all, he had saved your life just hours before, regardless of him forcing you to madly flee from the palace guards that _you_ certainly didn't need to run from. Your fingers lightly carded the auburn curls at the nape of his neck, prompting Julian to wrap his arms around you tightly. Your simple caresses and gentle attention was returned tenfold, with an almost ravenous hunger that you hadn't been expecting, and you instinctively gripped his hair a little tighter, making Julian groan.

“Come here. Come closer,” he practically begged.

Julian pulled you on top of him, kissing you with a desperation that left you light-headed, and you had to tug on his air... causing him the hiss through clenched teeth... just to give yourself a moment to catch your breath; you'd always thought 'kissing someone breathless' was just a turn of phrase, you hadn't realised it could actually happen before Julian.

“What? What's wrong? Too much? You can tell me. I'll be good,” he babbled, a blush staining his high cheekbones.

You chuckled softly. As amazing as the kiss was, you had some lingering concerns, though strangely not about who he was. However you couldn't forget Julian's reaction in the garden when you'd pressed on the wound he'd taken from you, in an effort to asses the damage. You'd gotten the distinct impression he _liked_ the pain and now as he looked up at you so eagerly... so desperately... things were starting to make a little more sense. You were equally concerned and intrigued; after all, he didn't really know you, so how could he trust you like that? However, you couldn't deny you were certainly attracted to the charismatic man... it was almost as bad as the secret crush you'd had on Asra for years.... so you placed a hand on Julian's chest, your palm pressing against his cool skin that was left visible thanks to his open necked shirt. Julian fell back without protest, his eye not hidden by his eyepatch heavily lidded as he watched you expectantly.

“I was told you needed to be pinned,” you smirked.

“If it's you doing the pinning, trust me... I'm not going anywhere,” he grinned.

Whatever you were going to retort was derailed when Mazelinka bustled back in, and tossed a blanket unceremoniously over you both. You laughed as you untangled yourself and traded a few quips with the old woman, who seemed to enjoy making Julian blush just as much as you did, before she bid you both goodnight. You weren't sure if the doctor had expected you to agree to share the bed with him, but he shuffled over to make plenty of room for you, in an obvious show he would be a 'gentleman'. You huffed another laugh as you settled down beside him, though that quietened down to a soft smile as you caught the pensive look Julian was regarding you with.

“I hope I'm not coming on too strong... oh, I'd love to make something real with you,” he whispered. “If we had more time...”

Without thinking, you reached up to brush his thick auburn waves away from his face. He startled at your touch, and you got the distinct impression he hadn't meant to say at least half of that out loud. He gave you a slightly hesitant smile, before slowly leaning in and pressing a surprisingly tentative kiss to your unresisting lips; as if he thought you would disappear if he pressed too much. Eventually, Julian bid you a quiet goodnight and with a flick of your wrist, you extinguished the flickering candle, bathing the room in a calming darkness. However, your sleep wasn't entirely restful. Sometime during the night, you were woken as your companion began to toss and turn, muttering half broken pleas and heart wrenching whimpers in his sleep. He jolted himself awake, but before you were aware enough to stop it, Julian toppled out of bed; a tangle of limbs and blanket. You scrambled to the edge of the bed and after conjuring a small ball of light, peered at him as he let his head fall back to the floorboards. His already pale face was deathly white, and a faint sheen of sweat covered his furrowed brow.

“... did I wake you?” he asked, a blush colouring his cheeks. “I... sorry. I didn't mean to disturb you.”

You hopped off the bed, and reached down to help him up. So close, you could feel the tension in his body. He was trembling, refusing to meet your eyes; as if he was trying to hide from you... or that he was ashamed. You didn't like either option, so you coaxed him to sit on the edge of the bed with you.

“Want to talk about it?” you asked, gently.

Julian hung his head. “Seems silly... in the light. It wasn't real...”

“Doesn't matter, you're still shaking,” you observed, taking his hands in yours.

“I told you, it's nothing. It wasn't real. I have no reason to be upset,” he insisted, trying to tug his hand away.

You refused to relinquish your hold, and instead raised his hand so you could press a feather light kiss to his knuckles, making Julian blushed profusely. You held his palm over your steadily beating heart, and though he looked up at you in surprise, he quickly caught on to what you were doing and sat up before trying to match his breathing to your measured breaths.

“Talk to me,” you requested, gently.

“I can't hide anything from you, hm? Don't know why I even bothered in the first place,” he muttered, before looking at you imploringly. “... do you believe in forgiveness?”

Julian looked like a coiled spring, tightly wound. Whatever he dreamt it had really shaken him, and your heart went out to him. Without thinking you shuffled closer, and took hold of his other hand; staying silent to let Julian speak his mind.

“Do you think... that even truly heinous things can be forgive?” he asked, his voice strained. “Or are there things you can't come back from?”

For a moment you wondered if he was referring to Lucio's murder, though from what you'd discovered so far, if Julian had killed the Count... which you already doubted... it would have been the act of a hero. The Count had been an abysmal person, and his death had freed the citizens from his tyranny, but if the doctor had killed Lucio, it would have been a swifter death than dying of the plague. It was a kinder fate than he deserved. However, Julian looked at you so desperately that you didn't want to give him tired platitudes, he deserved a real answer.

“You can come back,” you replied, your eyes sweeping over his attractive face. “Forgiveness is too personal a thing to make a sweeping generalisation, but you can always come back.”

Julian gave you another searching look, before flashing you his trademark smirk; another defensive mechanism, you were certain. You could practically see him rebuilding the walls around himself, probably concerned that he'd shown you too much, let you too close. It actually kind of hurt but you couldn't begrudge him it, you were practically strangers after all, not to mention you'd actually been tasked with tracking him down so he could pay for his supposed crime.

“Well, isn't this a dour conversation,” he grinned. “Ah, don't mind me... it's just the sleep deprivation talking. Five cups of coffee and I'll get the pep back in my step.”

“With five cups of coffee, you'll give yourself heart palpitations,” you retorted, deciding to play along for his sake.

His answering smile was a little more genuine, but his body was still a live wire of tension. You knew Julian's nightmare... and perhaps memories... were weighing on him, though as much as you wanted him to talk, you weren't going to push it. However, as you took stock of the weariness clear on his attractive face, you couldn't let him suffer when there were other ways you could help. So you shuffled back until you were propped up against the rough wall, then tugged Julian back until his head rested against your sternum. He blushed profusely but didn't protest or pull away, and you even managed to coax a tiny sound of contentment out of him as you began to card your fingers through his auburn hair. His eye slipped closed, and you couldn't help smiling down at him. You had no idea what time of the night it was but you were happy to stay awake... essentially keeping watch... if it meant the complicated man in your arms finally got some rest.


	5. Embrace (Asra/Apprentice/Julian)

You didn't know how you felt about... anything really. Ever since the Countess had come to your door in the dead of night, everything had been distorted and thrown out of focus. You'd met people like Julian and Muriel... or re-met you were certain, if the nagging feeling in the back of your mind, and your instant like for them were anything to go by... as well as eventually reuniting with Asra. You'd confronted the ghostly apparition of Lucio several times, you'd travelled in the real world and traversed magical realms, and you'd slowly started to unravel the mystery that was not only locked in your missing memories, but also affected and threatened people you cared about. But this whole situation with Asra and Julian was absurd; what with them being shackled together in the Coliseum dungeon, as they awaited trial for a murder you were certain they hadn't committed. But despite all their bickering, the three of you were slowly devising a plan of action. Or you had been, until...

“I wouldn't dream of challenging you,” Asra stated, smiling at the doctor. “Getting people to warm up to me had never been my strong suit.”

“Oh, I don't know about that,” Julian drawled, before nodding his head towards you. “They came down to the Coliseum dungeon for you.”

Your heart constricted as you regarded the redhead. Did he really think you'd only gone down there for Asra's sake? Considering his whole demeanour, the front you knew Julian relied on to protect himself... from showing people how much he really cared... you knew he did. It _hurt_. Because whilst you adored Asra, that didn't stop you deeply caring about Julian; even if you'd only _knowingly_ known him for a few days. However, before you could say anything, Asra was holding his hand that wasn't shackled to Julian towards you, and it was unmissable how it trembled. It was obvious your magician needed comfort and reassurance regardless of how confident he appeared, so you laced your fingers with Asra's without hesitation and let him pull you close enough that he could wrap his arm around your waist. You hugged him back fiercely... still happy despite everything that you're feelings for your dearest friend were actually reciprocated... and pressed a kiss to his fluffy white hair as well as his bronze cheek, before you let one arm drop from around Asra's neck and turned to look at Julian.

“I came for both of you,” you stated, quiet but resolute.

Out the corner of your eye, you noticed Asra look between the pair of you, before a small smile formed on his lips. You knew... thanks to Faust sharing her memories, as well as snippets both Asra and Julian had told you... that the two men had once been together; during the time you had no memory of. So perhaps it was strange for you to care for both men whilst they evidently still had lingering feelings for each other, despite their almost antagonist relationship now, but you weren't ashamed of the fact. Love was love, and you could feel it for more than one person at the same time. There was nothing wrong with that. It just complicated things when two of the people you had feelings for, had such a complicated history. But then Asra's smile grew, and he held out his shackled hand towards Julian.

“Come join us, Ilya. You won't find a better hug,” he stated, before lightly kissing you on the cheek.

Asra's eyes twinkled with mischief as he looked between you and the doctor, and Julian's usually pale complexion was suddenly flushed with a very evident blush that painted his high cheekbones all the way to his ears. His gaze darted between you and Asra, and it was impossible to miss the look of longing in his visible hazel eye as he stammered about not wanting to intrude. Your heart ached for him so you offered your own free hand, because despite it being Asra's invitation, you wanted Julian to know you also wanted him. Hesitantly, the doctor reached out to accept your gesture, but from the way his hand trembled even as his long fingers entwined with yours, you realised Julian expected you reject him at any moment. Asra must have noticed too because whilst his smile remained playful, it softened considerably. Julian's gaze continued to dart between you and Asra, and there was a tension in his tall frame that couldn't be ignored; almost as if he was waiting for one or both of you to laugh at him, to humiliate him and push him away. It looked like he couldn't decide if he wanted to step closer, or flee as far as the chain binding him to the wall and Asra would allow. It was an awful look... like a mixture of fear and hope... and you desperately wanted to banish it from Julian's attractive face. So you gently tugged him close enough that when you let go of his hand, you could wrap your arm around the doctor's waist before he got the wrong impression, mirroring how you held Asra. For his part, your magician flashed you a grateful smile as he laced his fingers with Julian's, who let out a shuddering breath. You weren't sure where this was going to lead, and even without the trial looming you knew it wouldn't be an easy road considering their obviously complicated relationship, but that didn't mean you weren't interested in seeing where it could go.


	6. Shadows (Asra/Apprentice)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Lazaret was a gloomy, desolate place. The chimneys towered high into the sky, the iron gate was rusted and hanging off it's hinges. The courtyard was a wild, overgrown space and the building itself was crumbling to ruin. Your hand gripped Asra's tightly as you made your way inside, almost clinging to him like a lifeline. Though once in the building, it felt like you were being pulled along by some invisible force. The entire time you walked through the deserted halls, you kept seeing a flicker of flame out the corner of your eye, and feeling a heat from a fire that couldn't be burning. Though instead of being scared, a feeling of acceptance washed over you; you had an idea where your intuition was leading you. And if the stricken look on Asra's face was anything to go by, he also knew.

The Lazaret was a gloomy, desolate place. The chimneys towered high into the sky, the iron gate was rusted and hanging off it's hinges. The courtyard was a wild, overgrown space and the building itself was crumbling to ruin. Your hand gripped Asra's tightly as you made your way inside, almost clinging to him like a lifeline, even as you both conjured balls of light to illuminate the depressing place. It was almost as if you could feel the sadness that had once filled these halls, and you tried not to look at the rows upon rows of rusting bed frames that lined the barren rooms, as you were practically pulled along by some invisible lure. The entire time you walked through the deserted halls, you kept seeing a flicker of flame out the corner of your eye, and feeling a heat from a fire that couldn't be burning. Though instead of being scared, a feeling of acceptance washed over you; you had an idea where your intuition was leading you.

“The crematorium is calling you, isn't it?” Asra asked, gently tugging you to stop.

“How did you know?” you countered, turning to face him.

“I've had a hunch for a while now, but... I couldn't explain it to you,” he admitted, tears already gathering in his amethyst eyes. “I'm... I'm so sorry. Every time I told you about the past, your headaches became worse. Once... I tried to explain everything and I almost lost you, for good. So I just... stopped. I couldn't bare hurting you over and over again.”

You could feel his heartache like a pain in your own chest, and your free hand instinctively moved to rest over your heart that was racing for no explicable reason.

“You brought us here... when I wanted to turn away,” he continued in a whisper, gently squeezing your fingers. “The past wasn't mine to tell you, it's yours to reclaim.”

Somehow, you managed to offer him a tiny smile before you silently began to follow the intangible pull again, making your way towards the crematorium. You carefully picked your way over fallen beams and crumbling brick, whilst never once letting go of Asra's hand. When you reached the back of the building, you found a room black with soot and stained with ash. Several massive furnaces stood cold and empty, big enough to swallow a person whole. Your blood thundered in your ears, and your heart raced as you looked around the haunting room.

“Are you okay? No pain? No dizziness?” Asra fretted.

You shook your head, even as a vision washed over you. One off fire, ash, and acrid smoke streaming through the crematorium. But before you could really make sense of it, you were thrust back to the present and your knees buckled beneath you. Asra was there to catch you, tears already streaming down his bronzed cheeks, even as his arms slid securely around you from behind.

“You... you remember,” he whispered, sounding broken.

“I... died. Of the plague. Three years ago,” you murmured, feeling dazed rather than shocked.

“There's... one more thing I have to show you,” Asra stated, hesitantly, as he helped you to your feet and slowly led you back into the grounds of the hospice. “You and I... we argued one day. You wanted to stay in Vesuvia. To help the victims of the plague, with Ilya. You divided your time between our shop and helping him in the clinic. I wanted to leave. I wanted to run far away, where we could be safe. By the time I had learned what happened to you... I was too late. So I went looking... and this is where I found you.” As he spoke, Asra knelt down near a mound of dirt, tears falling to the blackened sand. “I dug until my fingers bled. All I could find was charred bone and ash... all that was left of you.”

Tears welled in your own eyes as you listened, though they weren't for yourself and your previously forgotten fate, but for Asra; for the hurt he'd suffered, the torment he obviously still felt. There'd been a time that you'd actually wondered at the depths of his feelings for you, a time where you thought the attraction was just one sided, but now you couldn't imagine how hard it must have been for him, hiding his feelings from you whilst you recovered. It must have eaten him up inside. It was no wonder he went travelling alone from time to time. He'd always insisted the journeys were too dangerous... and perhaps they had been... but you couldn't help wondering if Asra had needed to leave you behind for his own sanity. Because as he spoke, you could clearly hear the grief and desperation in his voice as he struggled to talk through the tears, his hand gripping yours like a life line.

“On that first night of the Masquerade, when Lucio tried to bargain for a new body... I... I made my own deal,” Asra explained, looking up at you with obvious and utter devotion. “I gave up part of my own heart, in exchange for restoring your life.”

You could clearly remember the glowing mark that had shone over his heart when Lucio's apparition had attacked him, at the time you'd been entranced by the sight, but now you had so many thoughts whirling through your head; from anger that he'd strike a bargain with the devil, to amazement at Asra's undeniable love. You dropped to your knees beside him, raising a shaky hand to tentatively rest over his heart... or what was left of it. Deep down, you weren't terribly shocked by the revelation of your death, there'd had to be some reason you couldn't remember anything before three years ago after all, and the simple fact was that you'd died. You weren't missing memories, you didn't have them. You'd died and had been resurrected. You were living a completely new life.

“I think I knew,” you mused aloud.

“You... I... of all the things you could have said... that's not what I expected,” Asra admitted, his hand trembling as it rest over yours still pressed to his chest.

“It's true,” you replied, wearily. “I always knew something wasn't right.”

Fresh tears pricked Asra's eyes, as his free hand moved to cup your face. “I thought I was protecting you. I didn't want you to relive dying alone in the Lazaret. But now... I think I was also afraid. Not just for you. I was afraid to face the true cost of what I'd done. I agreed to help Lucio, despite knowing the type of man he was. I was afraid you'd hate me.”

You smiled at him sadly, before leaning to rest your forehead against his. “Asra... you went through so much pain and danger. For me. _Thank you_. I'm here because of you... but did it change you?”

“I... I don't know,” he confessed, his amethyst eyes so earnest as he moved to help you stand. “I missed you... so very much. Losing you to the plague seemed so unfair. But that decision wasn't mine to make... was it? It's _your_ life. You're the one most affect by what I did.”

“I'm alive because of you, because you... because you loved me. You loved me enough to strike that reckless deal to bring me back,” you stated. Wanting to laugh, cry and hit him for being such an idiot. “I could never hate you, and I understand why you stopped trying to tell me what really happened. I don't hold that against you. In the past three years, you've looked after me, you've guided me in regaining my magic, you've even helped me learn the truth about our past. The first thing I remember is seeing your face when I woke up. You've been my constant, my guiding light, through all of this.”

He hiccuped a laugh, even as fresh tears rolled down his cheeks. “You have no idea how good that is to hear. I always worried. Was I doing enough? Too much? Too little? After everything I've done, after all the mistakes I made... never in my wildest dreams did I think...”

“Asra,” you whispered, cutting him off. “You told Nadia's sisters we've known each other for nine years. Were we... in love... before?”

His amethyst eyes searched yours, before he nodded solemnly. “I loved you more than life itself... I still do... and you said you loved me too.”

You murmured his name again, as you cupped his beautiful face in your hands, making sure you had his full attention as you said: “I still love you... mistakes and all.”


	7. Forgiveness (Asra/Apprentice/Julian)

You stared, almost unseeing, at the mound of earth Asra had pointed out on your previous visit to the desolate island. It was... eerie, confusing, unsettling... _odd_ , to be stood over your own unmarked grave. But it didn't feel _wrong_. Just like it hadn't felt wrong the first time you'd come to the Lazaret with Asra, or when you'd heard Julian recount his previously forgotten memories of your death. In fact, it was strangely comforting. Though perhaps closure was a more accurate word, since it helped you put to rest the _need..._ the compulsion.... to regain your memories, because now you knew there simply wasn't any memories to reclaim. You'd died, had been resurrected with a fresh start and you almost felt at peace, however you knew your companions didn't feel the same, which was why you'd suggested going back to the island altogether. But even without looking at them, you knew tears would undoubtedly be streaming down their completely opposite but equally handsome faces. So you took a slightly shuddering breath, letting the simple fact that you'd _died_ three years ago settle into your bones; information that was not as shocking as it should have been, but then again, you'd always felt that something wasn't quite right from the moment you'd woken up and found Asra and Faust hovering over you in obvious concern. But unlike the unexpected release the knowledge brought you, you knew your companions were struggling. You knew they both blamed themselves for your death; Asra for leaving without you and Julian for asking you to stay. But it wasn't their fault, it was just dumb luck. Fate. The turn of the Wheel of Fortune.

You'd died of the Red Plague, had probably contracted it from one of the many victims you had tried to help with your innate magic abilities, and the rudimentary medicine Julian had taught you. _You_ had chosen to stay and help, and whilst you didn't regret that decision, you hated how much your death had cost both men. At the time you had no power to stop their suffering, but now as half of Asra's heart beat in your chest... a testament to how much he loved you... you _could_ help them. You were alive, you were whole, and despite the fact your memories would always be gone, you knew in your very soul that you'd loved them both in the past and you still loved them both now. Asra was the closest to you, his warm hands hovering just over your shoulders, so you turned to him first; wrapping your arms securely around his waist and holding him close. He buried his beautiful face in the crook of your neck, his white curls tickling your cheek as his whole body shook with the force of his sobs. In between his gasping breaths you heard him whisper apologies, repeat explanations and beg for forgiveness.

“There's nothing to forgive,” you soothed, pressing a kiss to his temple. “You brought me back, my love, my heart. My literal heart. I love you. I don't blame you for any of this. There's nothing to forgive.”

Once Asra's breathing had calmed, you stepped away from him after a final comforting squeeze, and looked to Julian, who seemed to be trying to hunch over himself to make his tall wiry frame smaller than it was. His visible hazel eye darted between you and Asra, and you knew Julian had heard everything you'd said. Not that you minded, but you knew that unlike your beautiful magician who took the time to consider every angle, the good doctor would have heard what you said to Asra and immediately thought the worst. You _knew_ he thought you were going to blame him, that you were going to cast him aside despite everything you'd shared. You could see it clear across his handsome face, you could see it in the way he took a step back when you moved towards him. You barely resist the urge to groan. Julian was such an infuriating, complicated, adorable mess of a man. You loved him just as much as you loved Asra, but boy was he harder to deal with. So falling back on the only thing you could think of, you crossed your arms and levelled him with a look that made him stop in his tracks.

“Julian. Come here,” you stated, not harshly but still firm.

He hesitated for a moment, his eye darting between you and Asra again, before he practically threw himself to his knees at your feet; which was not what you had in mind when you'd called to him, but you'd work with what you could get. You could see by the way Julian looked up at you... vulnerable, scared, yet so utterly devoted... you knew he was expecting to be punished somehow, maybe even humiliated. It broke your heart to see him like that, and from the way Asra discretely settled his hand on your lower back, warm and grounding, you knew your magician could feel your emotions. His own feelings reached you not long after... understanding, loving... and you knew that despite the complicated past the two men shared, that Asra's was with you. That he'd finally let go of the old hurt and forgive Julian, so you could all move forward. You knew that as certainly as you knew your own heartbeat.

“Julian... Ilya, darling. You can't save everyone,” you murmured, lightly carding your fingers through his mess of wavy auburn hair. “It's not your fault, you didn't fail me. I chose to stay. With so much death, it's not surprising I was one of them. But it's not your fault, you're not to blame. I love you...”

The doctor opened his mouth, whether it was to protest or question, since his gaze once again snapped to Asra, you weren't sure. But before Julian could say anything, your white haired magician stepped closer and securely slid around your waist, whilst he extended his free hand to Julian in an obvious invitation. The doctor looked between you both again, his face so open and vulnerable, so you mirrored Asra's gesture; one arm slipping around the magician's waist, while you extended your other hand to Julian.

“Fresh start?” Asra suggested, as you both helped the doctor to his feet.

Julian took a shaky breath, his eye once again darting between you before he gave a hesitant nod, a blush very obvious on his high cheekbones, when both you and Asra gently tugged him into a group hug. Julian clung to you both, though his face buried into the crook of your neck and you could feel his silent tears roll over your skin, prompting you to hold him tighter.

“I love you _both_ ,” you stated, as you gently squeezed your magician too.

Faust chose that moment to poke her pretty head out of Asra's shawl, flickering her tongue at you before questioning: ME?

“I love you _all_ ,” you corrected, chuckling softly. “Unconditionally. I think I always have.”


	8. Loving Touch (Asra/Apprentice)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The air was balmy, and a faint steam was already rising from the large pool of water. Early morning sun and a warm breeze drifted through the open window, making the clear surface ripple and refract the soft beams of light. The scent of jasmine, rose and ylang-ylang filled the air, as you sank down into the pool until the perfectly warm water lapped at your collarbone, and you smiled when you heard Asra give a contented sigh when he settled down beside you. His touch was so exquisitely gentle when he reached for you, that you couldn't help feeling cherished. Adored. You knew without question that he'd been keeping a tight leash on his own emotions, until you had finally crossed that invisible boundary between you. Now his affection was almost painfully obvious, though you couldn't help leaning forward and capturing his unresisting lips in a tender lingering kiss, hoping to pour your feelings for him into the simple action.

The air was balmy, and a faint steam was already rising from the large pool of water. Early morning sun and a warm breeze drifted through the open window, making the clear surface ripple and refract the soft beams of light. The gauzy robe the Countess had leant you felt decadent against your skin, but not as luxurious as the feeling of Asra's strong arms slipping around you from behind. It was a shame that Julian was missing this, since Portia had refused to take no for an answer when she'd demanded he accompany her to the market, but you weren't about to miss out on quality time with Asra... you'd just made a mental note to make it up to Julian later.

“Shall we get in?” the magician queried.

At your nod of agreement, Asra stepped into the bathing pool before offering you a hand to help you into the fragrant water. The scent of jasmine, rose and ylang-ylang filled the air as you sank down into the pool until the perfectly warm water lapped at your collarbone, and you smiled when you heard Asra give a contented sigh when he settled down beside you.

“Here... I'll wash your face,” he murmured, coaxing you towards him.

His touch was so exquisitely gentle that you couldn't help feeling cherished. Adored. Ever since you'd broached the subject with him... initiated the new yet achingly familiar closeness you shared... you were left with the impression that withholding his knowledge of your shared past had been a heavy burden for Asra. You saw it in the way he looked at you now, felt it in the way he touched you, kissed you. You knew without question that he'd been keeping a tight leash on his own emotions, but now his affection was almost painfully obvious and you couldn't help leaning forward to capture his lips, once he announced your face was clean again. The kiss he gave you in return was almost reverent, and your heart swelled with love and appreciation for the wonderful man.

“I'll wash your hair,” you whispered, against his full lips.

A look of pure delight crossed Asra's beautiful face, his distracting mouth quirking into a playful smile, and his amethyst eyes sparking with a promise of mischief. However all he did was duck under the water to wet his curly white hair, that was such a stark but alluring contrast to his bronzed skin, and you couldn't help chuckling at his easy compliance. Still smiling, you waded to the edge of the pool to retrieve a bottle of creamy soap, before resettling in the shallows of the pool. Asra knelt in front of you and as you carefully... indulgently... massaged a thick and fragrant lather into his snowy locks, his eyes slipped shut. Your fingertips whirled in soothing circles, whilst your thumbs swept away errant suds away from his face, until you lightly kissed his nose to signal you were finished. With a breathy laugh Asra moved back into the depths in order to rinse the soap from his hair, before quickly rejoining you by surging forward to press a lingering kiss to your lips, with just enough force to coax you to lay back in the shallow water.

“You're shining like a raindrop,” Asra smiled, as he propped himself above you.

“Someone's in a poetic mood,” you teased, returning his adoring smile.

“I have the most captivating muse,” he retorted, caressing your cheek lovingly.

“I wish we could linger,” you whispered, your gaze locked with his amethyst eyes.

“As do I,” he confessed, sounding wistful.

“We'll get through this,” you assured, pressing a kiss to his brow to smooth away the worry lines forming there.

“You've grown so strong, I don't doubt it,” he replied, resting his forehead against yours. “And I will be with you through it all, I am not leaving you again. I swear.”


	9. Tender Touch (Julian/Apprentice)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The air was humid but not unpleasant, and the backdrop of Vesuvia silhouetted by the setting sun made the bathing room even more spectacular. Fragrant steam filled the air, dancing swirls in the flickering candle light, and you couldn't resist letting your eyes rove over Julian indulgently. Smiling soft, you reached up to smooth his hectic auburn waves away from his handsome face, revealing the red stained right eye that he was usually desperate to hide. A blush spread across his high cheekbones, even as he caught your hand and pressed a kiss to your knuckles. But you recognised the look in Julian's eyes, and you knew without a doubt that if you didn't act immediately, he was going to bend over backwards trying to please you. So you pressed a lingering kiss to his lips, making sure to keep it soft and gentle; because as much you enjoyed his attention, Julian deserved some tender loving care as well. Hopefully, you'd be able to convince him of that before the night was over.

The air was once again humid but not unpleasant, and the backdrop of Vesuvia silhouetted by the setting sun made the bathing room even more spectacular than before. Lotus blossoms and rose petals floated on top of crystal clear water, reflecting the twilight colours of the evening sky and a rainbow of glass bottles sat on a copper tray at the side of the pool. Fragrant steam filled the air, dancing swirls in the flickering candle light as you and Julian helped undress each other. His mismatched eyes remained locked with yours as each piece of your masquerade costumes fell to the floor, though once you were down to only your undergarments, you slipped behind the changing screen to shed the last of your clothing before draping the gossamer like robe over your body, then rejoined Julian at the pool's edge. You couldn't resist letting your eyes rove over him indulgently, enjoying how the sheer black fabric of his robe... a stark contrast from the white of your own... draped off his broad shoulders, giving you a gorgeous view of his surprisingly well defined chest. It was a shame Asra was missing this, but he'd agreed to distract Nadia so you could spend some one-on-one time with Julian, since you'd shared a bath together yesterday morning.

“Ah, now this is the life, isn't it?” Julian smiled, a blush dusting his cheeks when he took in your appearance. “You don't get luxury like this on a pirate ship.”

Chuckling softly, you reached up to smooth his hectic auburn waves away from his handsome face, fully revealing the red stained right eye he was usually desperate to hide. His blush intensified, even though he caught your hand and pressed a kiss to your knuckles, before turning his attention to the enticingly colourful jars. He studied them for a moment, before his whole face lit up with an excited smile.

“Premium bath salts, fresh from Nevivon!” he explained, as he uncorked a jar. “Ah, what a nostalgic smell.”

He shook a generous amount of the salts into the water, before adding various dashes and splashes from the other bottles and jars; looking not dissimilar to how Asra... and presumably yourself... did when making a potion. It made an affectionate smile tug at your lips, and you waited in a comfortable silence until a blue mist was drifting along the surface of the bathing pool, amazingly filling the room with the scent of the sea. Obviously satisfied with his work, Julian stepped into the fragrant water first, then extended a hand to you in a blatant offer. You accepted without hesitation, and couldn't help the sigh of satisfaction that escaped you as he coaxed you to sit down in the divinely warm water. It immediately began to relax and soothe the aches and pains that you hadn't even been fully aware off; presumably a result of the mad dancing on the tables with Julian, bouncing in enchanted bubbles with Asra, and your search for Lucio's followers amongst the masquerade revellers. In all honesty, the bath was heaven. Though it was made all the better as you watched transfixed as Julian doused his hair with the fragrant water, before he smirked roguishly over his shoulder at you.

“Can't remember the last time I had a bath this nice... even longer since I had one with such good company,” he murmured.

As he spoke, Julian turned and reached out tentative fingers towards you, barely caressing your shoulder with a clear question in his mismatched eyes. His hand trembled slightly, so you took it in yours and raised it so you could place a lingering kiss to his palm.

“I...I...” Julian stuttered, his gaze roving your face almost worriedly. “Is the water okay? Do you need anything, darling?”

You recognised the look in Julian's eyes, and you knew without a doubt that if you didn't act immediately, he was going to bend over backwards trying to please you; which was not the worst thing in the world, but you desperately wanted Julian to relax as well. So, despite the fact you could tell he _wanted_ to fuss over you... after all, he was always so willing to please both you and Asra... you leant forward and pressed a gentle kiss to his unresisting lips, effectively stopping him from fretting further.

“Let me take care of you,” you whispered, trailing light kisses along his sculpted jawline.

“I, uh... what?”

A blush had spread from his high cheekbones, all the way to the tips of his ears and down his throat, whilst he looked at you with blatant confusion. Your heart constricted a little at the sight, and you had the awful suspicion that Julian had never been on the receiving end of the type of attention he liked to lavish on those he cared for; that no one had ever cared enough about him, not even your beloved Asra during the time you'd been gone, and the knowledge hurt.

“I'm fine, really, I...”

You pressed a gentle finger to his full lips. “You deserve to be cared for to.”

At your admission, Julian tugged his bottom lip between his teeth, his eyes lidding as his blush intensified. He looked absolutely wrecked and you hadn't even done anything yet; it was equal parts adorable and heartbreaking, so you leant forward and pressed your lips to his sweetly. Julian had hinted... and blatantly stated... more than once that he liked it rough, though when he began to tremble at the feather light touch you stroked his cheek with, you couldn't help wondering if it's what he thought he _deserved_ , rather than just a preference. His strong arms slowly slid around your waist, holding you almost delicately and when you broke the gentle kiss to look at him, Julian was regarding you with a heart-wrenchingly tender look. So open and vulnerable and beautiful.

“Sorry, darling. Old habits die hard, I guess,” he smiled, softly.

“There's nothing to apologise for,” you assured.

You pressed another lingering kiss to his lips, making sure to keep it soft and gentle, despite how he whimpered quietly into your mouth when your tongue started a languid dance with his. You could taste the champagne you'd shared with Asra at the masquerade, the salty scent of the bath water mingled with the faint hint of Julian's masculine cologne that still clung to his body, and you carded your fingers slowly through his damp hair until you eventually pulled away. You caressed his handsome face gently before you turned your attention to the bottles of lotions and soaps, deliberating until you came across a liquid that smelt of sandalwood. Smiling in satisfaction, you settled down on one of the sunken seats that lined the edge of the tiled pool and beckoned Julian to join you.

“Come here, I'll wash your hair,” you offered, holding your hand out to him.

Julian rushed over eagerly, sending a splash of water over the pool edge that doused several candles. He gave a sheepish smile that made you chuckle quietly, though with a flick of your wrist you had the wicks relit, before you coaxed Julian to settle between your legs. With his back to you, you were able to gently massage his neck and shoulders, then began lathering the heady smelling shampoo into his auburn waves; rubbing your fingers in slow, soothing circles.

“Is this okay? Should I move? Am I resting on you too hard?” Julian fretted, even as he relaxed back against you.

“You're doing amazing, Ilya. I'm so proud of you, my love,” you assured, your tone soft and patient.

“Am I? I, uh, okay then,” he replied, seeming surprised but happy.

A blush was... once again... very visible on his pale face, though whether it was from the praise or the term of endearment you weren't sure. You supposed it didn't matter, especially when he glanced over his shoulder and gave you a pleased smile, one that was so utterly unguarded and loving. But regardless of the cause, you could make the educated guess that Julian didn't hear either very often... if at all... and you silently vowed to give him both more often. You wanted to dispel whatever skewed notions other people had put in his head, not to mention the well of self-recriminating thoughts Julian had created all on his own.

“You've been working so hard, sweetheart. You deserve to relax too,” you murmured, using a jug to rinse the suds from his hair.

“It never feels like enough...”

In a spare of the moment decision you reached out to one of the floating water lilies, checking it still had it's stem before you gently tucked it behind his ear, causing Julian to tilt his head and look up at you, surprise and adoration clear in his mismatched eyes. Smiling sweetly, you leant down to press your lips to the exposed column of his pale throat, but instead of biting him like he always hinted he wanted, you trailed teasingly soft kisses up to his jaw.

“It's enough,” you whispered against his skin. “ _You_ are enough.”

“Darling...” Julian began, his voice thick with emotion as he moved to look at you fully. “ _Thank you_.”


	10. Friendship (Asra/Apprentice/Muriel)

Your heart was pounding as you desperately tried to keep your frantic breathing quiet. Everything was happening so fast, that you didn't feel like you'd had a chance to catch your breath. It had all been a mad whirlwind. Clearing Julian and Asra's names, investigating Lucio's plans, dealing with the devil, rescuing Asra's parents, regaining your physical body that Lucio had stolen, fighting your way through the manic and possibly possessed crowds... not to mention losing Julian somewhere in the madness... until you were huddled in a too small stairwell with Asra and Muriel about to confront the devil; but even after all this time, and several regained memories thanks to a certain pouch of myrrh, you still weren't sure if the towering man even liked you.

“How about a hug?” Asra grinned, suddenly.

Muriel stared at him, clearly shocked. “What?!”

You merely raised a questioning eyebrow, trying to hide your own surprise in case Muriel got the wrong impression and mistook your shock for reluctance. After all, you _liked_ the towering man, despite the lingering suspicion that Muriel merely tolerated you for Asra's sake; something your fellow magician refused to acknowledge, since he constantly insisted that Muriel liked you and just wasn't good at expressing himself, whenever you brought it up.

“A hug. All of us, together,” Asra chuckled, looking between you and Muriel.

You couldn't help shaking your head at Asra with fond exasperation. “You and your group hugs.”

Muriel continued to stare at Asra as if he'd lost his mind.

“You don't have to if you'd rather not,” you assured, smiling gently at the behemoth of a man.

Faust suddenly popped out of Asra's masquerade robes, and hissed hopefully: _SQUEEZE!_

A very visible blush spread across Muriel's stubbled cheeks, as he glanced at you through his shaggy black hair before his vivid green eyes flitted to Asra and Faust. He gave a sigh of resignation. “... okay. Squeeze.”

You cautiously lay your hand on the towering man's muscular bicep and he flinched at your touch, though just as you were about to retract your hand, you felt a surge of unfamiliar magic wash over you. It wasn't as pronounce or as strong as Asra's... that felt like sinking into a warm bath... but although it was unfamiliar, you recognised it as the aura you felt from Muriel when he'd been casting Runes. You offered a soft smile as he practically peeped at you through his hair, and you understood the gesture; Muriel was reaching out to you in the way he felt most comfortable. So you stepped closer, and a smiling Asra quickly closed the distance as well. Considering the narrow stairway you were stood in, it was more a huddle than a squeeze, but Asra managed to wrap one arm securely around your waist, whilst his other curled halfway around Muriel's. You returned your magician's hold without hesitation, though slowly slipped your arm around the former gladiator's waist, not wanting to startle him.

“Is this okay?” you asked, prepared to let go if Muriel wasn't comfortable.

He nodded silently, before he hesitantly settled his heavily muscled arms gently around you and Asra. His large hand rested on your shoulder, but although he towered over you, Muriel's touch was feather light, as if he was afraid he'd hurt you otherwise.

Faust excitedly slithered a loop across all of your shoulders, whilst proclaiming in a happy hiss: FRIENDS!

Muriel cleared his throat and shuffled his feet, his blush steadily growing. “Thanks for... well...

“Trying to save the world?” Asra prompted, grinning.

“Yes. That,” the former gladiator replied, shutting his eyes in resignation of the magician's teasing.

“Thank _you_ , Muriel,” you replied, giving him another encouraging smile. “You didn't have to help, but you did.”

Muriel muttered something that might have been “Welcome”, before adding a little louder: “... are we done hugging?”

“So soon? Alright,” Asra chuckled.

You rolled your eyes at your magician, though pushed up on your toes to lightly kiss Muriel's cheek... making him blush even more... before he pulled away; giving you a look that was part shy, part confused and part questioning.

“A kiss for luck,” you explained.

Muriel gave you an almost smile in reply, and you couldn't help thinking that _maybe_ Asra had been right all along about the towering man, though your thoughts were derailed slightly as your magician leant in to kiss you; however Faust beat him too it, bumping her snout gently against your nose.

 _LUCK FOR FRIEND!_ Faust hissed, excitedly.

“Hey! What about us?” Asra laughed.

Faust gave another excited hiss, before slithering around to boop her snout against first Asra's and then Muriel's noses, whilst proclaiming: _LUCK FOR ASRA! LUCK FOR BIG FRIEND!_

“I guess a little extra luck never hurt anyone,” Asra chuckled, fondly. “Though.... there's something I want to say, but it's going to sound trite.”

“Oh... now I think we have to hear it,” you grinned, gesturing between you and Muriel.

The towering man gave the slightest hint of a small smile, and even let his hand lightly brush against yours as you both waited for Asra to continue.

“I was going to say 'we don't need luck, we have each other',” he said, quietly.

Muriel huffed what could have been a laugh, and you barely hid your smirk behind Faust's coiling body as the snake settled on your shoulders.

“What? Too much like bad community theatre?” Asra asked, his amethyst eyes still sparkling with mischief.

You shook your head, grinning. “Julian would be proud... just a shame he missed it.”

Asra took hold of your hand, squeezing reassuringly. “We'll get him back, I promise.”


End file.
